Sex is pretty damn vital to your relationship. And as the years pass by, how often you have it can ebb and flow. But what happens if you’re not on the same page about that with your spouse?
According to psychologist and marriage therapist Dr. Jacqui Gabb of the Open University, United Kingdom, happy couples do recognise that their ebbs and flows in the sack aren’t a life sentence — they believe it could change. And instead of complaining over the sex drop, they usually find creative ways to deal with it.
Below are some of the successful strategies that emerged from the research Gabb conducted among 5,000 couples to spice up sex drive in your marriage as published in the MensHealth magazine:
If you’re looking at a dip in sex drive as an issue that will always remain, it raises the pressure to do something about it immediately, Gabb said. However, happy couples find ways to ease the pressure off through laughter. She said, “If you laugh about something together, there’s this sense of being in it together. Not only are you easing the tension on the issue at hand, but laughter boosts intimacy outside of the bedroom, too. In fact, some studies find people are more likely to open up when they’re laughing. For a man, making your wife laugh could turn her on and vice versa.”
Dating doesn’t have to stop after wedding. It’s a continuous process. Even if your spouse doesn’t want to get busy under the sheets, it doesn’t mean they don’t want you close. “So plan date nights, weekend trips or even an evening walk with your partner, and make cuddling and kissing a priority. Non-sexual closeness is important in relationships and can build other forms of intimacy,” said Gabb.
In the study Gabb conducted, children falling asleep in the bed or a partner snoring were listed as some of the common barriers to a bustling sex life. One way to fight back is to separate beds. If you have a snoring partner, getting away from them can allow for a better night’s sleep, which might make the two of you more likely to be up for sex at other times. This can also make sex seem more like a date. If your children sleep with you, choosing another bed in the house for sex can re-introduce intimacy, too, Gabb noted.
Another tactic happy couples use: Not being at home together all day long. Gabb recommended that couples find something that could get them busy so they wouldn’t be together at home for too long. Couples usually look forward to when they would have sex when they both have busy schedules.
For men, thoughtful gestures like picking up her favourite chocolate or ice cream on the way home from work go a long way in igniting sex drive in women, noted Gabb. Of course, a woman could also return the gesture to her husband, she added. “Sexual relationships benefit when positive relationship behaviours are taking place because the relationship as a whole feels more nourished and appreciated,” she said. “That can feed into greater sexual intimacy.”
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